I think all of us look for a reason or a cause for why a bad thing, like an illness, is happening to us. We want to know so we can find a way to heal or really even just to be able to put blame on something. But what if there is no clear reason?
After months of researching IC/BPS and reading forums and support groups, I’ve come to the realization that I may never know exactly why I have IC/BPS.
Could it be an imbedded infection? Yes, due to recurrent UTI’s.
Could it be the damaged bladder lining due to years of UTI’s? Yes.
Could it be an upregulated nervous system? Yes, after years of pain.
Could it be my hypertonic PFM’s mimicking my bladder symptoms? Yes.
Could it be from a childhood tobogganing tailbone injury ? ↑ Yes, could affect my PFM.
Could it be autoimmune related? Yes, my mother has Lupus and Fibromyalgia.
Could it be all of these combined? Absolutely.🤦🏻♀️
Could it be something I was born with? Yes.
That last question is one I began to think about a lot after my pelvic floor physiotherapist asked me about my childhood bathroom/bladder health history in the initial consult. I never thought about it much before that, but since I could remember as a kid, I would feel a burn at the end of urinating but the pain would go away right after so I never told anyone because I assumed it was normal. In all honesty, I can’t remember never feeling that burn or a twinge. I really don’t know why I never told my parents but maybe that’s a blessing since I would never want a 8 year old to have to go through the invasive bladder procedures I’ve gone through this year. Ouch!
Another issue that I’ve always had to deal with was a “shy bladder”, which I now know is retention. I have always had difficulty starting urination, especially in public places. Even if I REALLY had to go, it was always a struggle. Running water was/is the tool of choice to try to relax and let go. I did have a traumatic bathroom incident in Kindergarten where a boy barged in on me on the toilet *gasp*. Maybe that’s when this all started? 😂
And finally, the recurrent urinary tract infections started in my teens. To this day I regret not bugging my doctor more about finding why I was susceptible. Could it be because the bladder condition was already present? Or was it always because of my hypertonic pelvic floor?
I don’t know if I will ever find the answers to exactly why this is happening, but I do know that this all didn’t happen over night, and there is a possibility that I have been dealing with bladder pain and issues since childhood.