If you live with chronic pelvic pain or chronic illness you know that “big life events” require more than just a checklist because they require strategy, pacing, planning and a whole lot of flexibility. My wedding day was no exception. Now that I’m on the other side of it (and recovering from the inevitable post-wedding bronchitis… more on that later), I wanted to share what helped, what surprised me and what made the day so special despite the challenges.
If you’re planning a wedding, supporting someone who is or just curious how chronic illness shapes days like this…this one’s for you. 💛
Planning a wedding with a chronic illness: My must haves
Comfort first: dress & shoes
My dress was intentionally loose around my pelvis so I wouldn’t be battling unnecessary pain all day. No shapewear, nothing tight (other than around my chest to hold it up) Just breathable, light, flowy and friendly to my flare prone body.
I would like to note… that by 10pm, I was nauseous and in pain and had to step away from the party to unzip and breath! I became completely overstimulated at that point in the night because of all the movement, food, alcohol and “being on” the whole time. Bless my bridesmaids tho because they were there to help me every step of the way. I really could not have done it without them.
And shoes? Simple. Runners. Cute, comfy, custom converse hightops. Zero regrets.
I wore low block heels down the aisle and for a few photos then put on these beauties!
Quarantining before the wedding
Fall weddings mean fall germs. And I have two nephews. lol With school back in full swing, I decided to quarantine for about a week and a half before the wedding to lower my chances of getting sick. Drastic? Maybe. But totally worth it, because I got to enjoy our day without feeling like death. (I did end up catching a bug after the wedding… but more on that later.)
Built in breaks + an emergency med kit
We scheduled intentional breaks into our day so I could decompress, regulate my nervous system and avoid crashing. I also had a fully stocked emergency kit with pain meds, rubs, electrolytes… so basically my entire chronic illness survival pantry in mini form in a bag my sister/ maid of honour kept and eye on. I did become overstimulated at points and needed to sit and just take in my surroundings by grounding myself. I made it until 12am, and hit a wall. lol luckily had a change of clothes (lose sweats, tank, no bra!) that i changed into and was able to say goodbye to guests in a comfortable outfit!
A heating pad at the head table
I had a plug and heating pad waiting at my seat. I actually was not sitting at my chair for long so I didn’t end up using it but it was there if I needed a break with it!
Navigating food & drinks
I made sure my meal wouldn’t trigger a flare and kept alcohol minimal. I created a non alcoholic signature mocktail that was delicious but yes, I still accepted a celebratory shot here and there 😉
Saving energy & money where I could
Because I’m a graphic designer I designed all our invitations and stationery myself. Pretty much saving money where I could tp funnel into… weekly physio 😅
Special moments that made our day magical
Our first look + private vows
We did a first look before the ceremony with private vows and LOVED it.
It didn’t take away from the aisle moment at all. It actually made it more emotional and grounding. It was one of the most meaningful parts of the whole day.
The day really DOES fly by
Everyone warns you but it’s true. And when you live with chronic illness the day moves even faster because sometimes you have to step away due to pain or nausea. I missed saying hi or bye to some guests but that’s part of moving through life with a body that needs breaks. I’m trying to give myself grace for that. A few things that I look back on and thankful that we did was a photo booth. It was/is so fun to look through all of the photos after and see the fun that was had while we were mingling (or taking a break) lol.
Instead of a guestbook, I drew a tree, where guests could write their name on the bare branches to fill the tree with names of people we love who were apart of our day, Now, we hang it framed in our living room!
My bridesmaids: actual angels
I could not have gotten through the day without my bridesmaids. They helped me with everything …pain management, dress management after a rainy photoshoot, emotional management. Chronic illness weddings are team sports and my team was unreal. I’m forever grateful.
Penny: The dancefloor Queen
Having my friends I have met through Happy Pelvis like Penny (@wellbeing.by.penny) there was the sweetest full circle moment. Penny and I met in the pelvic pain community and she was a literal beam of light at the wedding and always. She danced the night away nonstop and guests are STILL talking about her. She brought an energy I’ll never forget. hehe
Going commando 🤭
A fun little perk of chronic illness wedding planning? I went commando because underwear + pelvic pain = Heck no. And the only reason this was possible is because my period literally ended one day before the wedding. The timing was a miracle.
The rain photos
It rained during our photos, but honestly? The images turned out stunning. Our photographer was so efficient, creative and calm that I didn’t even stress. Rain or shine, he captured the magic.
Skipping the bouquet toss
I’ve never loved the bouquet toss tradition. It feels awkward and I hate pointing out ‘singles”. So instead, I dedicated my bouquet to my mom. We had a beautiful girls’ moment on the dancefloor with all the women and guests surrounding us. It’s one of the images I’ll treasure most.
After the wedding… Ofcourse I got sick!
Despite quarantining beforehand, my body held on just long enough to get through the wedding and then promptly said, “Okay, we’re done here.” I came down with bronchitis after the wedding, but I’m feeling much better now after it took me a while to kick!
Honestly, if it had to happen I’m glad my body waited until the celebration was over.
Vendor Love
Every single one of these people played a role in making our day feel effortless, supported and beautiful:
Photography: Christian Cocuzzo @cocuzzoweddings (IG)
Florals: Alex Currie from Flower Baby Floristry @flowerbabyfloristry (IG)
Venue: The Vue @thevueandclubhouse (IG)
Decor & Arch: Alex Sibbio @franolis.flowers (IG)
DJ/MC: Tony Bertini – VIP Entertainment
Makeup: Makeup Petcy (FB) / @patrysiat (IG)
Hair: Monica Warmuz
Dress: Stella York – style 7975
Cake and sweet table: @lacasadolce (IG)
Officiant: Rev. Michael Bittle
Our wedding wasn’t “traditional” and it certainly wasn’t symptom free but it was full of joy, intention, love and support. Everything we wanted, and more!
For anyone planning a wedding with chronic illness: Choose comfort. Build in rest. Break the rules. Let people help you and create a day that supports your body, not a day you have to survive through.
